Category Archives: Of a Literary Bent

Playing Geography, Fictional Places Edition

My all-time favorite travel game is called Geography: I have fond memories of playing it in the car on the way to visit my grandparents, or with my cousins when we would travel together to Thanksgiving. It’s not an actual geographical game, but a word game made up of place names.

Detail of a map in fresco of Ancient Italy, from the Vatican Gallery of Maps

Photo taken in Vatican City, in the Vatican Gallery of Maps, featuring a detail of a map in fresco entitled “Italia Antiqva”. This photo happens to include the towns of Gaeta (the southern-most point of our trip) and Sperlonga (a coastal town I particularly liked), along with some education: it hadn’t occurred to me that the Adriatic Sea (“Mare Hadriatic”) might be named for Emperor Hadrian.

The basic play is simple:
Player one names a place. Player two names a place whose name begins with the last letter of the previous place. And so on.

I say Rome, you say Edinburgh, the next player says Holland. (Or if it turns out you were actually saying Edinboro, then the next player could say Ohio.) No repeats.

If someone says a name that’s come up already, they get corrected and try something else; there’s no penalty (which honestly had never occurred to me until someone asked during the below-mentioned game; I replied politely that that’s done in the Draconian Rules version).

Then there are various potential rule negotiations that vary, some established at the start of play, but mostly decided whenever things come up. A not-quite exhaustive list of past negotiations:

  • Do place names that no longer exist count? (Yugoslavia, Soviet Union)
  • What if they’re archeological sites? (Xanadu)
  • Do mythological places count? (Atlantis)
  • Do other fictional places count? (Narnia)
  • Can you leave earth? (Mars, Sea of Tranquility, Crab Nebula)
  • When a place name starts with “The,” do we leave it off? (Netherlands)
  • For places in non-English-speaking countries, do we use the English or local spelling? (Rome vs. Roma). What if you’re in that country at the time?
  • Is “America” a place? (I say no, and I hold the line pretty hard.) *
  • For rivers and mountains, do “river” and “mountain” count as part of the name? (Note: this query doesn’t seem to apply to “ocean,” which is generally included by default.)
  • Do street names count? Do street names count if you’re desperate?
  • If a place has changed its name, can you use the older name? (Leningrad vs. St. Petersburg). Can both be used in the same game?

One important discovery one makes while playing this game is that humans love the letter A.** There is often a point where we have what I call the “A cascade,” in which all the place names begin and end with A, for an impressively long time.***

Conversely, there are other letters that are very promising but rarely appear at the ends of names. A few years ago, I started compiling a list of places that end with uncommon letters. Naypyidaw, Edgecomb, Alcatraz, Czech Republic, Appomattax, and so on…

There is no winning. Play ends when players run out of options (though it’s fine to offer help), or enough people are done, or we arrive at a rest stop or destination. Occasionally we’ll try to pick up again afterward, but it’s tricky to keep the momentum going: in general we’ll either start over or move on to something else.

As you might imagine, playing two games of Geography in close succession can be tricky, since it becomes difficult to remember in which round a name was used. So we have alternate themes. As a kid, I often played a “first names” version, for which I was very pleased to know people named Yolanda (friend of my parents) and Yetta (my great-grandmother) and then extra pleased as a preteen to read an article about conjoined twins named Yvonne and Yvette. More recently, with my own kid and other family or friends, we’ve done it with plants (Negotiations: Use Latin names or only common? Does using both in the same game count as a repeat?) and animals (What about categories? If someone says sparrow, can you also say song sparrow?).

I recently returned from a chorus trip to Rome and Florence (or Roma e Firenze, but we decided on English spellings), and in one of the coach rides, there was a rousing game of Geography, with six people playing, plus a few others who offered suggestions or critiques. During play, the question of whether to allow fictional places came up, and my wife said firmly, “It would have to be only fictional places.” And while I started to talk through it out loud, one of the other players said, “But you could just make stuff up,” because anything you make up would be automatically fictional.

So I thought on it for a few days, and I now propose Geography, Fictional Places Edition:

An overlay map in which the 1st age map of Middle Earth from J.R.R.Tolkien's Silmarillion is combined with the 3rd age map from The Lord of the Rings

An overlay map in which the 1st Age map of Middle Earth from J.R.R.Tolkien’s Silmarillion is combined with the 3rd Age map from The Lord of the Rings. Image from The One Ring.

The play is the same as regular Geography, but with one important difference: it includes the stories.

Player one names a fictional place. If everyone knows it, then you go on. If not everyone knows it, then you introduce it: “Alola is an island region from the Pokémon TV series; the main character travels there and makes new friends, and they go adventuring, making many discoveries,” or “Nangiyala is the afterlife in The Brothers Lionheart, which I read in an abbreviated form in Cricket magazine and still haven’t read as a full book.” If giving details about the place would provide plot spoilers, you can say so: give the citation but explain that saying more about the place itself would give too much away.

Authoring codicil: If everyone agrees, then yes, you can include places you’ve made up yourself, even on the spot, as long as you provide a good story to go along with it. And certainly if you’ve established them in prior writing.

Our first experiment, at home, has led to the recognition that I don’t keep a coherent list of fictional places in my head. On only the second turn, the kid said something that ended with D, and abruptly every place I had ever read about fell out of my head – musings throughout the trip notwithstanding. “Dreamland” sounded like something, but I wasn’t sure where to place it.**** Then I had to remind myself that Denmark wasn’t fictional. And then we had the first new question: about whether structures are places. “I want to say Dawn Treader,” I mused. Kid was skeptical when I reminded him it’s a boat. “But it’s the setting for most of the book!” I settled instead on Durmstrang, which while also a structure, at least was a stationary structure.***** And there was no objection, except now the kid was stuck on G.

We’ll see how it goes. (-:

With thanks to Jennifer Woodfin, Dan Rosen, and M. Sheffield for contributions and commentary, and Stephen Mayhew for an NER refresher.

———-
* While I do casually use “America” to mean the United States and “American” to refer to its residents, I have several reasons I don’t find it appropriate in a geographical naming setting.

The first is accuracy: the US of A implies that the US is a subpart of the lands of America. But the land mass is divided, and in English we don’t talk about “America” as the entire land mass. We have North America, South America, Central America, possibly the Americas (though then we have “the”). So if we do mean the US, then it’s an alternate name for the same country. If we don’t, then we have a name that’s not actually used that way.

Which brings us to the political argument: While I understand that “America” is short for “the United States of America,” it has bugged me that “America” refers specifically to the US since the time, many years ago in summer camp, when I wished a friend a happy 4th of July, and she said, “I’m not American,” reminding me that she was from Mexico. Holiday aside, it seemed profoundly unjust to me that someone from a country in North America couldn’t say they were American.******

** Well, sounds that are written in English as the letter A.

*** It’s great fun, but it’s also important to be able to end the cascade; I try to keep in mind a set of A names that end with something else: Arctic Circle, Arctic Ocean, Ambler…

**** Hm. With more time for reflection: Dreamland is both a place people go when they sleep and a favorite bedtime CD by Putamayo. I guess the former would work, then. Collective fiction!

***** But I kind of want the boat to count, too.

In the field of Natural Language Processing, there is a machine learning task called Named Entity Recognition. In NER, a computer model is trained to find proper names and categorize them, according to certain categories. In the project I helped on, there were four categories: Person, Organization, Location, and Geopolitical Entity. The distinction between GPE and LOC (which are both geographical) went as follows:

“GPE has a border, a government, and a population. LOC is a geographical region that doesn’t meet these criteria. So, the European Union has all 3 so it is a GPE. The Sahara desert may have a population and possibly a border, but no government, so it is LOC.”
Significantly, “Airports and other structures are LOC.”
But I don’t know about structures that actually change their location.

****** Speaking of the naming of the Americas: when we were in Florence last month, in the Accademia Gallery to see Michelangelo’s David, our local tour guide spoke to us about the Vespucci family. She first confirmed that we knew of the explorer Amerigo Vespucci, for whom the Americas were named.******* (She was not as surprised that we knew this as an earlier guide had been that we knew the name of Alessandro Botticelli – which for me would have been hard to avoid once my hair was long enough.) Then she explained that the Vespuccis were a well-known family in Florence, and that Simonetta Cattaneo Vespucci, who had married into the family, became the subject of many of Botticelli’s paintings. (I was surprisingly gratified to learn that one of my artistic hair twins was based on a known person!) And it transpired that Botticelli specifically requested that he be buried near her, and so all three of them are buried with others of the family in a church in Florence. And then it turned out that the church in question, the Chiesa di Ognissanti, was the church in which we would be singing that evening!

******* And, wow, was I wrong about why the land was named for him.
The story I learned was that Amerigo Vespucci made a map of the lands he’d surveyed, and he wrote his name across it as a signature, but people thought it was meant to be the new name of the continent.

As it turns out, this part of the world was named for Amerigo Vespucci by other European mapmakers specifically to honor him, as the first European to recognize that they had not come around to the other side of Asia but instead had found an entire separate land in between.

https://blogs.loc.gov/loc/2016/07/how-did-america-get-its-name/
(See also the comment therein about using America as a name)

A Tally of Names

I have started a book that is not by Ellen Klages.

Okay, so most books are not by Ellen Klages. This one is in fact by Robin Talley, who has written two other YA books I really like, What We Left Behind and Lies We Tell Ourselves.

This one, appropriately named Pulp*, is about lesbian pulp novels from the 1950s, with characters in the 1950s and characters in the present, and alternating stories, and stories within stories, and so it quite forcefully puts me in mind of Ellen Klages.**

So here’s the thing about Pulp: It has a LOT of characters. Possibly not more than other YA novels, but the book has so many pairs of lives in parallel, that…well, basically, I wanted a place to write all the names down. So here:

In the present we have Abby, a senior in high school, who’s pining after her ex-girlfriend Linh (now “just friends”), and who discovers, on the internet, a lesbian pulp novel by the elusive Marian Love, about a girl named Elaine who goes off to New York City and meets a girl named Paula in a bar in Greenwich Village. Abby, who’s into writing fanfic***, is enamored by the new genre and decides for her senior writing project to try her hand at a lesbian pulp novel (something ironic, to subvert the genre) about two girls named Gladys and Henrietta. And she tries to research — and maybe contact — Marian Love.

And in the 1950s there is Janet, a senior in high school, who’s pining after her best friend Marie (now graduated and with a new job), and who discovers, on a bus station wire rack, a lesbian pulp novel by the mysterious Dolores Wood, about two girls named Betty and Sam who meet each other in New York City’s Greenwich Village. Janet, who’s hoping to go to college and become a journalist, is stunned to see her feelings echoed anywhere outside her own head and decides to try her hand at writing a pulp novel of her own, very very secretly, about two girls named Elaine and Paula. Oh, and she tries to contact Dolores Wood.

And, just to be clear, there are excerpts included from all the books and manuscripts.

So. Just so we’ve gotten everything sorted out. Thank you.

I will now proceed with my reading.

—————-
*Or, occasionally, Plup

**For further reference see “Time Gypsy,” my favorite of her stories, which I read in the collection Portable Childhoods and which contains actual time travel, and her time-bouncing novel Passing Strange. She also has a series of middle grade historical novels: The Green Glass Sea; White Sands, Red Menace; and Out of Left Field. They’re all amazing, and I love that her MG books are very straightforward and sensible and yet manage to share worlds with her more fantastical and magical adult books.

***Oh, and just to be clear, Pulp has excerpts from more inlaid stories than Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl****; just saying…

****which is the book that left me wanting to read two series that didn’t exist, one of which was fanfic of the other. Of course, then the one actually got written, but it was kind of standalone and had some clear departures from the fanfic version, which was a bit…odd.

Found Story Prompt: An Intriguing Opportunity

As part of my job, I am entrusted with the task of monitoring government grant opportunities. Last week, I encountered this offering:

Instructions cover by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess

Instructions: “Everything you’ll need to know on your journey”.

DOI
Department of the Interior
National Park Service
Repair Castle Trail

And I thought, well. There’s a story here.

So I am asking: please tell me your stories. Write a brief grant application abstract. Or hand-carry your application and tell what happens along the trail. Or what happens when you are awarded the grant and you arrive to start your work.

Two important notes:
1) In reality, this DOI posting is marked “Intention to award, not a request for applications.” Just so no one gets their hopes up.
And
2) lest I erase the significance of the actual site in question, here behind the “Show Description” cut is the official DOI award description (plus a picture/link to the site’s Park Service website). So you can decide whether or not to read it first and let it inform your journey.

The Petting of the Large Grey Cats, and Other Wisdom from Ursula K. Le Guin

Shortly after Ursula K. Le Guin died — 5 or 6 weeks ago now — I read a new book by her.  And by “new” I mean she published it in 1976, and my wife has had it since the eighties, and I had never seen it before.  It’s also not science fiction/fantasy.  It’s a ’70s young adult novel.  And it contains some profundities.

Very Far Away from Anywhere Else:

(p. 17) The reason I have reported that conversation with Natalie Field on the bus so exactly is that it was an unimportant conversation that was extremely important to me. And that’s important, that something unimportant can be so important.

(p. 31) She was hard to answer. But not the way my parents were. They were hard to answer because you could never get to the real point with them, and she was hard to answer because she’d got there first.

(p. 41) We didn’t talk about problems, or parents, or automobiles, or ambitions. We talked about life. We decided that it was no good asking what is the meaning of life, because life isn’t an answer, life is the question, and you, yourself, are the answer.

I find that the last quote is one I’ve seen before; it resonates, deep within me.  I don’t know where I read it; I just know this is the first time I’ve seen it in context!

—–

I have another book of hers, a chapbook, that I haven’t looked at in a long time.  I went to find it today.  Safely contained in a publisher’s envelope placed between two sturdy pieces of cardboard in a zip-lock bag, with the original wrapping paper, in, further, a gift bag hanging up on a hook in a closet of linens and more wrapping paper,* is a doubly-signed copy of A Winter Solstice Ritual from the Pacific Northwest, by Ursula K. Le Guin and Vonda N. McIntyre (illustrated by Ursula K. Le Guin).  It was a double birthday present, about 10 years ago.**

For some reason, there are very few parts in this ritual that remind me in any way of solstice rituals I have actually attended.  But perhaps this is because I haven’t spent any time in the Pacific Northwest.  I’m sure it is a very different place and has many of its own quirks.

Such as these:

(p. 1) To Begin the Ceremony: First, take the remaining truffles from the pigs. Eat the truffles. After this, participants in the rites are expected to fast throughout the entire ceremony, though they may if they feel faint partake of oysters (halfshell or Rockefeller), salmon (dried, smoked, broiled, or wine-poached), champagne, chocolate truffles, vanilla ices, sherbets, root beer, and Metamucil.

(p. 4) Further Optional Rituals, to ensure that the days do start getting longer again:

Choral whining

Improvisational Limericks

Staying up later and later, or getting up earlier and earlier

Petting of the large grey cats, followed by interpretation of the cat drool (feliguttamancy)

(p. 7) Blessing the Ground: At dusk, a little brown VW Beetle full of little brown bats is driven slowly once around the temenos. As night falls, the little brown bats are released to eat little brown bugs. If the bats are hibernating and will not fly, they are to be hung in festoons from the eaves of the small house on the east side of the village.*** The most desirable drivers of the Sacred Beetle are Little, Brown authors, if available.

(Mmm, chocolate truffles.)

—–

And, finally, The Annals of the Western Shore.****

I went to a reading in early 2006, in which Ursula read a passage from a forthcoming YA fantasy novel; it was awesome to hear her read, and it was a vivid, intense scene.  There’s a kid, and she’s in the marketplace, and a horse is spooked by a “halflion” (or perhaps by the crowd spooked by the lion?) and she manages to grab and quiet the horse and thus meets the companions of the halflion, who then accompany her to her home.

So then I went home and tried to find the book online.  Nothing.  Well, it hadn’t come out yet.  Wait, try again.  Nothing.  Ursula K. Le Guin. YA. Halflion.  Nothing.  At least, nothing recognizable.

Annals of the Western Shore coversEventually, and not too much later, I did find (or realise I had found) the book.  It’s called Voices, and it’s second in the Annals of the Western Shore trilogy, and it was published in September of 2006. And while the scene she read to us was vivid and powerful and pivotal in the arc of the story … it turned out that the halflion did not appear in any of the prepublication marketing.

Here are quotes from the Annals, which I have shared once before.  And, as it happens, the halflion doesn’t appear in any of my quotes, either.

(The following section is adapted from a 2008 post on the Big Blue Marble Bookstore blog.)

The three passages below are from Ursula Le Guin’s recent Annals of the Western Shore series. It’s not actually one quotation from each book; two are from Voices (book 2), which I have now declared my very favorite of her books that I’ve read. The third is from the third book, Powers. The whole series, starting with the first book, Gifts, touches on questions of power: what it means, how to recognize it, and how to use (or not use) it. The books all have different main characters, in different settings and times, but each of those characters becomes significant to the story arc of the following books (rather like the Earthsea Cycle), letting it feel more like continuity than a loss of it.

“I’m sorry, now, for that girl of fifteen who wasn’t as brave as the child of six, although she longed as much as ever for courage, strength, power against what she feared. Fear breeds silence, and then the silence breeds fear, and I let it rule me. Even there, in that room, the only place in the world where I knew who I was, I wouldn’t let myself guess what I might become.”

Voices (Annals of the Western Shore, book 2)

“I always wondered why the makers leave housekeeping and cooking out of their tales. Isn’t it what all the great wars and battles are fought for—so that at day’s end a family may eat together in a peaceful house? The tale tells how the Lords of Manva hunted and gathered roots and cooked their suppers while they were camped in exile in the foothills of Sul, but it doesn’t say what their wives and children were living on in their city left ruined and desolate by the enemy. They were finding food too, somehow, cleaning house and honoring the gods, the way we did in the siege and under the tyranny of the Alds. When the heroes came back from the mountain, they were welcomed with a feast. I’d like to know what the food was and how the women managed it.”

Voices (Annals of the Western Shore, book 2)

“The first true leader I knew was this boy of seventeen, Yaven Altanter Arca, and I have judged others by him. By that standard, leadership means personal magnetism, active intelligence, unquestioning acceptance of responsibility, and something harder to define: a tension between justice and compassion, which is never truly satisfied by one without the other, and so can seldom be wholly satisfied.”

Powers (Annals of the Western Shore, book 3)

———————

*With a sign on the door saying “Beware of the leopard”.  (More Douglas Adams on the brain.)

**Thanks, Vix!

***Note: This book is from 1991. I’d like to hope that in these days of white nose syndrome people would think twice before festooning a house with hibernating bats. Also, are there bugs at the winter solstice in the Pacific Northwest?

****Okay, not quite finally.  I do want to mention Catwings, her beautifully illustrated series for very young readers.  I don’t have any specific quotes from it.  I just want to mention how compelling it is, and its charm and silliness and wisdom. And how books 2 and 3 incorporate trauma theory, which is not something you get in every book written for this age.  My kid loves them, now that I have located my copies for him — they were a much earlier birthday present.*****  This took a lot more searching and cogitating than finding the chapbook: I found myself completely at a loss looking for it (not under kids’ books, not with her other books in SF/F), until I finally remembered that I actually have a number of my books shelved together under Cats.

*****Thanks, sweetie!
On the topic of such presents: For my most recent birthday I requested and received another book by Le Guin, one which is actually new, published last year: Words Are My Matter: Writings About Life and Books, 2000-2016.  I’m working my way through it now.  Learning a lot.

Literally Hysterical Signs from the Women’s March

Here’s an important thing to know, if you are interested in language and gender: the word “hysterical” (along with “hysteria”) comes from a Greek root meaning “uterus,” as in the word “hysterectomy”.   I was in college when this was pointed out to me.  I learned then that for millennia, women were diagnosed as “hysterical” under the belief that one’s uterus could travel around the body and cause trouble with other organs, as evidenced by symptoms as varied as coughs, depression, nervousness, and general troublemaking.*  Recommended “treatments” varied from marriage and pregnancy to genital stimulation to complete bed rest.

A quick search produces many discussions of the Wandering Womb fallacy,** including this long and brilliant essay by author and teacher Terri Kapsalis, who pulls together Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper,”*** ancient diagnoses and current politics, and so much history, and even a women’s march (last year’s) at the end.

I have slowly been removing “hysterical,” with its historical image of women out of control (or deemed out of control by others), from my repertoire of words that mean “funny,” a task that became much simpler once I realised “hilarious” filled exactly the same connotative slot for me.****

However, I found these signs from last Saturday to be, indeed, and appropriately, hysterical:

Sign "Don't Tread on Me" with uterus and fallopian tubes as snake  Sign "Public Cervix Announcement: I'm Not Ovary-acting"

Sign "Grow a Pair" with ovaries

——–

*It’s possible that my remembered image of a uterus supposedly traveling far enough to throttle one’s brain was satire, or exaggeration on my part, or possibly even just a misplaced Douglas Adams quote.  …But maybe not.

**Or, if you prefer, “phallacy”.

***With the vital takeaway that anyone who reads or assigns “The Yellow Wallpaper” is contextually obligated to read or assign the 1913 essay entitled “Why I Wrote ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’”.

****Thanks to Adam Rex for this marketing comic, which kind of settled the word “hilarious” in my active repertoire, and for the eponymous book, The True Meaning of Smekday, an adventure both hilarious and thought-provoking, and one of my favorite middle-grade books.

Incorrigible Language Lessons*

cover, The Unseen Guest

Book 3, The Incorrigible Children series

I first read The Mysterious Howling, book 1 of the series The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood, as an advance reader copy, some months before its publication date (in 2010).  I was smitten and couldn’t wait to keep reading, but since the first book hadn’t even come out yet, the second was clearly far off in the misty future. And so my attention wavered, and by the time the second, and third, books appeared, I couldn’t recall the sense of urgency and let them go.

Until Now.

Last week I read book 2, The Hidden Gallery. I was then cautioned by a frustrated friend that book 6 had had its publication date delayed already multiple times throughout this year and was now scheduled for next year, so I thought, oh, I should take it slowly. And yet by the next day I was flying through book 3, The Unseen Guest. Which is where we are now. And because there were many many places where I felt compelled to stop and read excerpts out loud to those around me, I have decided to share some of them here as well. (I’m also taking this opportunity to go back and reread book 1.)

The general story is this: Young governess in Victorian England (she’s 15) is brought to a grand house to work with extremely untrained and fairly mysterious children. More mysteries ensue. My experience of the Incorrigible Children so far places the books as a hybrid cross between Joan Aiken’s Willoughby Chase novels (by temperament**) and Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events (by narrative style). The latter comparison, I hasten to clarify, is not so much due to unrelenting unfortunate events but instead to the narrator’s habit, rather like that of our heroic governess herself, of Teaching Us Things along the way.

Here are some examples, which should involve very few — and only minor — spoilers.

p. 64: ‘As Miss Lumley would later explain to the Incorrigibles, a rhetorical question is one that is asked, but that no one is expected to answer. “For what child does not like being treated kindly by an adult?” is a rhetorical question. So is “Why, it seems I’ve taken your saddle by mistake, Miss Pevington; how could I be such a dunce?” Not to mention the old standby, “Do bears live in the woods?”
‘There are countless such examples, but to catalog them all would take weeks, and who has time for that? (Note that “Who has time for that?” is also a rhetorical question. The curious among you may feel free to search for more instances within these pages, if you find that sort of treasure hunt enjoyable. And who doesn’t?)’

Then some plot happens.

p. 136: ‘But before we continue any further with the adventures of Miss Penelope Lumley and the three Incorrigible children as they venture into the forest in pursuit of a runaway ostrich, let us look away for a moment (for they will have to do quite a lot of hup, hup, hupping before they get far enough into the woods for things to become interesting) and consider some matters of linguistic significance, starting with three letters: namely, P, O, and E.
‘When the admiral first said POE, Miss Lumley thought he meant Poe, as in Edgar Allen Poe. This is because POE and Poe are homonyms, which means they are two different words that are pronounced the same way.
‘POE is also an acronym, which is a word made out of the first letters of other words. To the admiral it stood for Permanent Ostrich Enclosure, although POE could just as easily stand for something else: Pie Over Everything, for example, a tasty, if filling, notion. Or Ponder On Elks, which as you already know, is nearly impossible to avoid doing once you have been told (and told, and told yet again, in the strictest possible terms) not to ponder on elks.
‘Some acronyms prove so catchy that they become words in their own right. Marine explorers know that “scuba” is an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Those of you who enjoy shooting laser beams at your friends for sport can bamboozle your opponents by crying out, “Here comes my Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation!” just before you fire.
‘If you now think that you would rather confront a herd of Profoundly Outraged Elephants in a Perilously Oscillating Elevator than hear another word about homonyms, acronyms, or any other kind of nyms – well, think again. There is power in words used carelessly. Consider how disappointed you would feel if, after booking an expensive spa vacation, you found yourself on holiday with the Society of Professional Accountants instead.’***

Then most of the rest of the plot, but not all, intervenes before this next excerpt:

p. 278: ‘With no time to prepare a more complicated lesson, Penelope had left instructions for them to count how many pigeons landed in the branches of the elm tree outside the nursery window while she was out and to record the figures in what she unthinkingly called a PIE chart, by which she meant simply Pigeons In Elm. That the acronym for Pigeons In Elm was the same as that for Permanent Incorrigible Enclosure had not even occurred to the distracted governess, who had been in a tizzy deciding which dress to put on****, among other concerns. But the children knew nothing of the admiral’s plans and had simply understood their assignment to mean that the chart should be in the shape of a pie, complete with slices.
‘As it turned out, the pie-shaped chart worked wonderfully well. In fact, the “pie chart” remains in use to this very day, although the Incorrigible children themselves are rarely, if ever, given credit for its invention. (Why pie charts have stayed so popular while pudding charts, cupcake charts, and even tart charts have sunk into obscurity is a mathematical mystery, but perhaps it ought not to be, for who does not like pie?)’

Who, indeed?

—————————

*Not that I believe these lessons particularly need correction.

**Temperament of the humans and the story, not the temperament of the attendant wolves, which varies greatly between the series.

***Okay, I just keep feeling the need to add a note here saying that I see this panders to common stereotypes of accountants, which doesn’t seem strictly necessary.  If someone is expecting a spa vacation, then they may be disappointed by any alternative, regardless of company, whether those number accountants or acrobats or aardvarks.

****I would like to mention that this is not a standard distraction for our stalwart Miss Penelope Lumley.